Now, something else I’m getting tired of is all this stupid bullshit we have to listen to all the time about children. It’s all you hear in this country. «Children; help the children, what about the children, save the children.» You know what I say? *Fuck* the children. Fuck 'em. They’re getting entirely too much attention. And I know what you’re thinking, you say «Jesus, he’s not going to attack children, is he?» Yes he is. He’s going to attack children.
And remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking, I know what I’m talking about. And I also know all you single dads and soccer moms who think you’re such fucking heroes aren’t going to like this but somebody’s got to tell you for your own good; your children are overrated and overvalued, you’ve turned them into little cult objects, you have a child fetish, and it’s not healthy. And don’t give me that weak shit, «Well, I love my children!»; Fuck you. Everybody loves their children, it doesn’t make you special. John Wayne Gacey loved his children; kept them all right out in the yard near the garage. That’s *not* what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is this constant mindless yammering in the media; this neurotic fixation that somehow everything, *everything*, has to be revolved around children. It’s completely out of balance. Listen, there are a couple of things about children that you have to remember: First of all, they’re not all cute, okay? In fact if you look at them close, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don’t smell to good either; the little ones in particular seem to have this kind of urine and sour milk combination or something. Stay with me on this; the sooner you face it, the better of you’re going to be. Second premise, not all children are smart and clever, got that? Kids are like any other group of people, a few winners; a whole lot of losers. There are a lot of loser kids out there who simple aren’t going anywhere, and you can’t save them all. You got to let them go, you got to cut them loose, you got to stop over protecting them cause you’re making them too soft.
Today’s kids are way too soft. For one thing, there’s too much emphasis on safety. Child-proof medicine bottles and fire-proof pajamas, child restraints and car seats and helmets. Bicycle, skateboard, baseball helmets; kids have to wear helmets now a days for everything but jerking off! Grownups have taken all the fun out of being a kid just to save a few thousand lives. It’s *pathetic*. What’s happening is these baby boomers; these soft fruity baby boomers are raising an entire generation of soft fruity kids who aren’t even allowed to have hazardous toys for Christ sakes. Hazardous toys, shit, whatever happened to natural selection? Survival of the fittest? The kid who swallows too many marbles doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own. Simple as that. Simple, nature knows best. We’re saving entirely too many lives in this country, of all ages, nature should be allowed to do it’s job of killing off the weak and sickly and ignorant people without interference from airbags and batting helmets. Just think of it as passive eugenics, okay?